I'm In Loveeee

The smooth melody of the piece flows into your soul and calms down all the tension exerted upon you. As your eyelids slide down to a close, you sink into the tunes and absorb the beautiful melody and drown yourself with all the passion it prevails.

WARNING: A HEAVY EPISODE OF FAN-GIRLING COMING UP AHEAD. PLEASE SKIP THIS SECTION IF YOU’RE NOT PREPARED TO BE TRANSPORTED BACK TO ONE OF THOSE HIGH SCHOOL CELEBRITY CRUSH FAN-GIRLING SESSIONS.

It’s quite a shame really, I’ve always had this thing to discover my favourite bands/musicians/singers way after they’ve just started out. Some, to some extent, are only discovered way after they’ve become famous. Shallow, I know. But I haven’t been the one known to scout around for good music and be one of the first few who actually liked them before they became famous and well liked by millions of others across the world. So anyway, long story cut short, I’ve found a new figure to fan-girl around!! =D

Not that I usually have a chance to fan-girl my favourite bands/musicians with my friends, due to, well, my rather different choice of music. I listen to all kinds of genre, but my preference still remains at gothic rock and piano ballads. They’re they type of music I can listen to any time, no matter what mood I am in. Though I must confess, I spent the entire night last night listening to mushy songs like ‘I Swear’ from All For One. I was watching Just Friends and that song came up and from then onwards I started listening to cheesy songs the whole night. Hehe.

And then…I had this sudden craving for piano ballads and thought about YIRUMA!! So I started listening to his pieces and my love for him grew deeper and deeper. I’ve loved him the moment I listened to ‘River Flows in You’ a couple of months ago, it was love at first sight!! Err, well, I wouldn’t say that considering I don’t believe in love at first sight, so love at first beat maybe? Hehe. And…I found out that he sings too!!! It’s a bonus!!! *Giggles* He doesn’t sing that much though, only on special occasions, but still, a wonderful composer/pianist who can also sing??? How much more can you ask for?? =D

This does not affect Maksim’s status and position! Maksim will always be one of my favourite musicians of all time. He’s so gifted and will always be my idol. His case was another “love at first beat”. I remember being an uncool 14-year old (not that I’m cool now, just maybe slightly cooler? XD) who had to come earlier to school for the much hated sports practice (I was in the afternoon session then), and had to wait for another 3 hours before school started. If it wasn’t for the TV in the Laman Ilmu (Knowledge Zone? XD) which actually had satellite TV on, I’d be bored to death.

So there I was watching something on the Discovery Channel (Okay, I made that up. I can’t remember what I was watching!) and was about to turn away when I heard the first beat. I turned back to the TV with eyes wide open and saw his fingers flying up and down across the keyboard, you almost can’t see his fingers at all! The song was ‘Flight of the Bumble Bee’ and it’s been buzzing in my ears since then.

Somehow I’m quite glad that I’ve managed to find out about Maksim. That was the point of time when I hated playing music so much, and that actually made me choose to do art instead of music during the first 3 years of high school. But Maksim changed it all, I started liking music and strated playing some of his =). I used to take up electone lessons since I was six, but I finally quit when I was 17. Sometimes I wished my parents had sent me for piano lessons instead of electone. There’s not much difference between them, to be honest, and if you’re good, you can play on both flawlessly.

Unfortunately for me, I am not good. I can’t play the piano. It’s terrible! I love the piano so much, to the extent that I’d like my dream boyfriend to be a pianist. Okay, I’ll stop here and keep the fantasies to myself XD. Hehe. Anyway, it’s horrible for someone who loves the piano so much, but can’t play it without sounding like someone who’s never touched the piano keys her whole life when she’s been playing something similar for almost 15 years T.T. I guess I have no one to blame but myself. I should have practiced more, I should be more patient and do my takes on the pieces slowly, part by part until I can finally play them slowly, and then increase the speed little by little.

But one has no patience for that! I can play many songs, but most of them only half way through because I usually give up when the keys start to change. One of my favourite pieces from Maksim, ‘Croation Rhapsody’, has five flats in the second verse. Five flats!! I used to struggle with just two flats! >.<. To make matters worse, I haven't been playing the electone for almost nine months now. I hope I can still play it >.<. My dad actually wanted to sell it off without even aking me! Thank God my mum actually thought of asking me if I still wanted to play it; if she hadn't asked, I would have gone home only to find an empty space (or some furniture, depending on their mood) instead of my familar black electone >.<.

Wait a second, wasn’t this post supposed to be some fan-girl post about Yiruma? Hehe. I guess I’m still inexperienced when it comes to fan-girling. Heck, I don't even know his last name! I don’t know anything about Yiruma besides the fact that he’s born in South Korea, grew up in London, won a couple of piano competitions, won several awards thingy, and is happily married. I have no idea how many albums he’s made, when is his new release and his tour dates. But don’t worry, google is always there to help me!! =)

This is Yamaha's electone Stagea Mini. It's relatively new, if I'm not mistaken. New electones only come out once every 5-6 years? This came out last yeat I think. What's cool about this one is that it is now equiped with a USB device so that songs can be recoreded and it can support most kind of arrangements. Gone are the days when we had to use diskettes to for the proper arrangements >.<

This is the Electone Stagea. It has a touch-LCD screen!! Gosh how the electons have evolved over time! It's a good thing too. I was wondering when they'd eventually come up with models that could acually support CDs (that was four years ago and we were still using diskettes =.='), and recently I was wondering if they'd come up with a USB port. It seems like they've skipped CDs and jumped straight to USBs. Lol. Thank God my mum never got the EL-500 I used to pester her to get me. It's one of the high-scale models only teachers would use and we only had one of them in each room. It's also the model we'd use for our exams. But it could only support a diskette. =D

This is Yamaha's El-25. It's similar to the one I'm using at home, the El-27. Sadly, I have no pictures of it =(. The only difference is that an El-27 has a diskette slot on the right, next to the switch button. I used to record some of my songs into the diskette and thought it was so cool. Until I found out that when I tried putting it into my computer, it won't recognise the file >.<. The good thing is, when I'm lazy and don't feel like playing the electone, I'll just pop my diskette into the its diskette slot and listen to my own recordings. Some were awful, honestly, but I just did that to amuse myself. Gosh, I had no life. Haha

This picture is from his third album, quite an old picture. His latest pictures are a bit...erm...well, I shall not mention it here. Mentioning it will only show that I've finally agreed with my friends' accusation about him all these years. But no matter, I'll always luvvvv him!! ^___^

Ahh..Yiruma. He plays a completely different kind of music as compared to Maksim. However, I am in no position to judge any of them considering my lack of experience in the music world. I enjoy his music very much, and if I'm not to broke from all the shopping sprees I've promised with my friends when I go home, I'll probably get his album. Teehee =)

River Flows In You - Yiruma

I luvvv this piece. Too bad I can't play it, I don't think I can ever play it like this ='(
Hope you like it too =)

A Silver Locket

The early dawn brings new light
The essence of spring awakening my slumber
I rise with ease from a bed of roses
The energy from my adobe filling me with integrity.

Days go by and there I still stand
Rooted to my grounds embalmed with your faith
You brought me up with compassion and gave me the trust
Shaping me into who I am with love that will always last.

A silver locket springs to mind
Eccentric and divine it hasn’t lost its shine
A gift for an achievement it once used to be
It now holds more significance than what the eye can see.

Far away I am standing now
Away from all the comfort I once knew
The silver locket keeps the memories alive
A symbol of love, comfort and care it never leaves my side.

For two decades I am truly blessed
Because of you I now stand where I stand
Neither words nor actions can rival your sacrifices
With that I am forever grateful to be cherished with your love.

***

As mentioned in previous post, this poem was written for my mum for Mother's Day. I know it's a bit too late to be posting it up in conjunction with Mother's Day, but I didn't have the time to alter the last line. I'll try to keep my postings up-to-date next time. ;)

This version differs slightly from the original version because of the last line. I wasn't quite happy with original version's last line, so I tried to alter it a bit. Seems like I still haven't done quite a good job =(. Nevertheless, this poem is already posted up, so the thought of having to post something about it won't linger in my head anymore now. Now I can keep it fresh for new ideas for my next post =D

p/s: At the rate I'm going, my blog will soon be filled with poems. I apologise in advance for boring any of you guys when you come across my blog and say "what? another poem?? can't she think of anything better to write???" Lol..I'll try to make my blog more interesting. Got to go now. Need to start on my revision..Can't wait for Thursday!! =)

Of Poems and Procrastinations

This is not good. Really really not good. Somehow my inspirations to creative writing only come when I need to study, or when I need to do an assignment that is almost due. The more cramming sessions I need to do, the more the ideas to write start flowing into my already overly-crammed head. So to which side do I fall prey to? Commitment, duty and responsibility (In other words, studying =P. I just feel like being all word-sie word-sie, lol)? Or to allow my inner thoughts to run free? I guess by seeing me here with barely two days left to cram my poor brain with all the haematology and immunology I learned this term has, without a doubt, displayed the weaker side of me.

As much as I hate to admit that this is just a form of procrastination, most of my best creative work are produced in between the hours of working ( I make it sound as though I’ve produced a collection of artwork and writing, but in truth I’ve only done about 4 drawings? And two poems? Sad..Lol). The point is, somewhere in between studying; I’ll just get this sudden idea to write about something. That’s not all, the problem is, once the idea starts coming in, more and more will join the line and soon I’ll have this whole scene in my head and I’ll get overly excited and will spend hours, (yes, you read that right, HOURS) just day-dreaming. It’s terrible! Of all the time I’ve spent wasted by day-dreaming, I could have used it wisely to remember, say, the whole mechanism of Clostridium tetani correctly maybe? And not having to resort to making up my own mechanisms (as well as reactions too =P) and filling in the rest of the page with absolute crapness. Gosh, I’m hopeless! Lol.

Some good things do come out from all that though. I’m quite surprised by how many poems I’ve written in the past few months. Okayyy, so maybe ‘two’ isn’t such a big number to brag about, but still, considering that I’ve never written them since I was 16 (well, to be honest I didn’t write THAT much; the one and only poem I’ve ever written was for an English lesson), I’ve managed to produce some decent poems. True, they’re not very good, they could have been better. But I’m just quite happy that I can even manage to write them in the first place.

My first piece was posted a couple of weeks ago and I’m currently altering the last line of my second poem. I wrote it for my mum in conjunction with Mother’s Day. Yes, I wrote it in between revision sessions, hehe. I barely took two days to finish it, it would have been better if I had more time, but I wanted to send it to her on Mother’s Day. I was quite unhappy about the last line though. It sounded a bit clichéd and ordinary, I wish I could have thought of something better. But my mum didn’t mind, she’s even printed it out and pasted it in her office. *Glows with pride* =)

*Peom in next post*

Friendship Will Always Remain

I spent the afternoon talking to my mum about my exam. I was more afraid of disappointing my parents than anything else. I’m thankful though to have such understanding parents. My mum told me to just focus on my other papers and forget about the last two. I feel a little bit better than before, but I felt a lot better after talking to one of my good friends, May, in Aussie.

No, we didn’t talk about exams. The last thing I would want to do is to drag someone whom I haven’t spoken to in a long time into my misery. We talked about life in general and it has hit me on how far we’ve come now. How much we have gone through since we first met. How much we have changed since the last time we saw each other. It’s been nearly two years since I’ve seen her and looking at it now, it looks like I won’t be seeing her again anytime in the near future =(.

The daily phone calls may have stopped as the years go by, but one thing that still remains is our friendship. Though we’re not as close to now as we were before, though we don’t share everything about our lives like we used to, and though we might not know much about each other now, the one thing that remains is the bond that’ll always keep us attached and it will always exist as long as our friendship remains.

I also realized, after not talking to her for so long, that once we’ve gotten past the usual small talks and the differences in our attitude and behavior (both good and bad) that we picked up as we grow older, she is still the same person I know who used to listen to all my rants when we were 14. This makes me miss her even more. We used to have so many things in common, and though those things may have become less and less as the years go by, the little things that brought us together in the first place start to resurface and it feels like we’re just picking up the things from where we left off. It’s like we’ve never left high school and we’re just continuing our conversations from where we left them hanging. I feel so close to her for once, how ironic it is considering that she’s the person I talk least to now compared to the rest of my good friends.

I feel truly blessed though to have friends around me who will always look out for me where ever I am. It doesn’t matter that we’re far away from each other now, it doesn’t matter that as we graduate from one institution to another, we make new friends, and we develop new habits, new dislikes and new likes. All that don’t matter anymore now because that’s how it will always be. We can’t hold on to the past, hoping that things will always be the same. Because it won’t be. We will change as the days go by, but the one thing that’ll always be the same is the bond that has existed beween us since the very begining. It may have weakened, and to some of us, it may have even been shattered, but its existence is still unquestionable. And it will not perish as long as we believe in it. =)

***

I don't think they'll read this considering that I've never given them my blog link, but if they ever come across my blog I have something to say to them: To May, WL, GS, KK, AL, LT, F, and SP, you guys mean the world to me. I luvvv u guys <3

Not my usual self

I feel terrible. I’ve never felt like this for a really long time. As childish as it may sound, the thought of failing an exam really makes me feel so down. No, I’m not a geek, and as far as I can remember, I don’t think I’ve ever been one. My main aim for this exam is to pass every subject with the minimum grades required to pass, but failing them will only lead to further disappointment. I just do not want to fail. I know that I’ve done quite badly for my Pathophysiology & Therapeutics paper and it has made me depressed all day. Passing it seems so difficult right now.

The thought of cutting my summer holidays at home short by a month for the re-sit papers makes it even more unbearable. I’ve been so depressed the moment I walked out of the classroom. I thought a retail therapy would do some help, but it did nothing. In fact, I didn’t even do much shopping even though I’ve been yearning to do it since last week =(.

Tried to do some studying last night but the thoughts of a possible failure and having to take a re-sit keep on going in my mind and I ended up spending the whole night listening to a higher than my usual dosage of emo songs. They do help though. Somehow by sinking in into the tunes, absorbing the lyrics word by word and relating them to my own feelings makes me feel that I am not alone in this suffering and there are people out there who are at a worse position than me. It didn’t cheer me up, but it certainly did make me feel better.

P/s: Part of this post was typed last night. I'm in a much better mood now. (Read next post) =)

Morning Star

The falling rain awakes the sorrows buried deep inside her
The darkness of her thoughts clouding all her smiles
Day by day she waits for a better tomorrow
Tomorrow comes and goes and there she still waits.

The morning star shines brightly guiding her way
She turns to see, but sees nothing but darkness
She tries to reach, but feels nothing but cold air
She tries to listen, but hears nothing but her heartbeat.

The morning star never sets and shines brightly blinding her eyes
She tries so hard to reach, but feels nothing but emptiness
The emptiness creeps deeper and deeper the harder she tries

She tries to let go, but keeps being pulled back.

She finally breaks loose with all the strength she possesses
The morning star glowing dimmer as she takes each step backwards

She takes one last glance at the orange glow
She tries to justify, but all she sees is a black hollow.

Black Roses

Hmm…why roses I wonder. As far as I can remember, I’ve never thought I would be so fascinated by a certain type of flower, and roses too of all flowers.

Tracing back to three years ago, I was a girl who was quite different from who I am now. I don’t intend to go into anymore details on that however, as this is not what I’m here for. Three years ago, as well as the many years before that, I was quite certain that I never liked flowers. Why is that, you might ask. I used to believe that flowers are one of the things that wouldn’t last.

Flowers given as a gift, for whatever reasons they are given for, mostly signifies eternal love. However, it seems to be rather deceiving as they will only end up dying in a few days. Thus it seems rather irrelevant to give someone a gift that should signify something that lasts eternally, only to have it dying a few days later. That was my excuse for my rather childish dislike towards flowers back then.

Looking at it now, after much reflections of my past, I’ve managed to work out the reasons behind my dislike. It was quite obvious, actually. I wonder why I hadn’t gotten it worked out a long time ago. During my teenage years, mainly my last few years of high school, I’ve never actually gotten flowers from anyone. Therefore I used to come up with all kinds of excuses as to why flowers are not important at all. I was defending myself from the harsh voices of the other side of my head. It was the only way for me to not feel bad about myself. To be honest, I wasn’t completely secure of myself back then.

However, those were the days. Although it wasn’t that long ago, I must admit that I have changed a lot since I’ve left high school. Yes, the saying is true; you do get wiser as you get older.

My fascination for flowers started growing by July last year. I seem to have developed a sudden interest towards roses in particular. I’m not quite surprised by it though, as I’ve been drawing roses ever since I was about 13. However, back then, I had no slightest interest towards roses. I only drew them because I was more familiar with their pattern than any other flowers. The roses I drew back then resembled mostly tattoo designs. They were not sketches of roses, mainly just like little rose patterns.

Since July last year, my love for roses started to blossom, and I liked everything with roses on. I’m very conservative when it comes to my preferable choice of colour for roses. Yes, I only like red roses. Not purple, pink, yellow or the latest hybrid ones, but dark red. I prefer darker tones of red too, and soon I started liking black roses.

It didn't take long for me to identify myself with black roses. To some, black roses signify grief, pain and endless sorrow. It really depends on how others interpret them. There are many reasons as to why I relate to them very well, however, some of which are not so appropriate to be mentioned here. Black roses to me signify pure devotion. In my books, devotion equals to loyalty.

In a way, loyalty is what makes me the person I am today. If I hadn’t been loyal to the people I love and care for, I won’t be where I am now, surrounded by so much love and joy. I will always defend everyone I care for to the very end and my loyalties will always remain, unless I am betrayed.

Black roses symbolize who I am. They symbolize pure devotion and loyalty, which are what I often associate myself with.

Since this post is long and boring, here's a picture of a rose I've drawn.

This is my third drawing of a rose. I've never thought I would be able to draw roses like this.

It was nearly the end of the winter break and I was supposed to do my assignment when I started browsing around for rose pictures on the net (As a form of distraction XD) And then I came across a few rose drawings and started thinking if I could draw anything like that. Guess what happened next? As usual, I'll always find my own distractions from work =P. So I started drawing the rose sketches and I was quite surprised by what I could do. That was my first time drawing them and I was quite impressed by the outcome =). This picture is my third drawing. (I did three different drawings and all were done on the same day =P)